The Tortfeasor

If you see racism everywhere, are you a racist?

2007-10-05T15:15:00.001-07:00

Two events here are stirring the racial pot at Vanderbilt. Both strike me as incredibly petty, and if you disagree with me you’re a dumbass.

First. A little bird informed me about a little incident that happened in section A. If I’m summarizing the incident as it went down, the professor put up some slides showing a storefront and it’s owner, to illustrate a point being made about contract law. The court decided that a relevant factor in dissolving the contract was the ‘education gap’ that separated the owner and the customer. The owner happened to be black, and the professor apparently said, “This doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who went to Harvard, is the education level really relevant here?” and then went on to discuss the case.

The next morning, the professor made a caveat about the previous discussion not ‘implying anything’ about education levels at large. Of course, he never said, “Hey guys, I’m not a fucking racist”, but that was the subtext. What irks me about this situation is that I’m sure some white, privileged female snob with some kind of guilt complex haughtily brought the point up to the professor in some condescending email about “watching out for” making racial subtexts that put African Americans down. Give me a break. The guy wasn’t being racist, he was making a statement about a small mom-and-pop store in the middle of DC. Stop. Being. Retarded.

Next, that same evening, there was controversy regarding the location for Bar Review (No, I can’t make this shit up). The owner of the bar graciously gave all law students a drink special on beer, and to ‘prove’ we were law students all we had to do was grab a bracelet from AB, who organized the shindig. Unfortunately for law students, last year several students alleged that the bar in question had a ‘racist’ dresscode because of some of items of clothing that were banned from the bar. Even so, AB put the bracelets in her mailbox, and what do you know, after about 10 minutes they were taken (stolen, really) by some disgruntled students who felt that the school was supporting a racist policy.

Now, leaving aside for the moment the idea that the dress code was racist (OMG disparate impact!), the actions of the ‘protesters’ are downright idiotic. Are you so afraid of the marketplace of ideas that you have to resort to covert actions to make a public statement? Are your ideas THAT intellectually bankrupt? At least stand behind your ideas and protest the location publicly (and realize that such a statement would be equally ludicrous, but would have the added benefit of showing some balls) instead of sneaking around like thieves to deprive other people of actually having a good time during some of the most stressful weeks of our lives.

In other words, we’re only 6 weeks into our law ‘careers’, chill the fuck out. If you feel like there’s a problem, address it directly instead of being a sniveling coward. Yeah, I’ll still mock you, but at least you’ll have my respect.

Jockeying for Position

2007-09-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

Place 200 type A personalities into a small, enclosed space for at least 20 hrs a week, and

viola!

you have high school all over again.

It's an accepted fact that we were all pretty much near 'the top of the class' ever since any of us could remember. Some of us got here by trying, some of us just coasted by on natural intelligence, but the fact of the matter is we're all equal in terms of academic ability. Our LSAT band is relatively narrow, GPA scores are almost worthless in measuring TRUE intelligence (and even then THAT band is narrow as well!) and I'm positive at least 95% of us are convinced we'll be in the top 10%.

So where does that leave us, not even one month in? Basically, we attempt to jockey for 'positioning' in the class. The way I see it, there are three types of Vanderbilt law students:

The Princeton/Yale/Harvard undergrads - Those poor saps. I can only imagine what is going on in their minds. Receiving law school rejection letter after rejection letter, from February to April, desperately clinging onto the hope that their attempts to rejoin the Ivy League had not failed (please, oh please Cornell… don’t fail me now!). It’s almost enough to make me approach each of them and say “So, Vanderbilt…. Kind of a drop in prestige for you, don’t you think?” The soothing balm of being at “The Friendliest Law School in the world (nay, the universe)” doesn’t quite ease the sting of knowing all your classmates are at Harvard, Yale and Stanford (Jesus even PENN).

The Third Tier State School undergrads – Massive chip on the shoulder. MASSIVE. Yes, we get it, your LSAT score was just as good as ours, probably a bit better since you came here for the scholarships (As you so faithfully remind us at every opportunity). We understand your need to explain the fact that you are ‘just as smart’ as the rest of us (wait, let me guess – you went to a state school to minimize your debt too? Impressive – none of us got scholarships anywhere, which is why we were unfortunate enough to attend Columbia), but the fact of the matter is you don’t even know how to write.

The Vanderbilt undergrad alumns – Go double ‘Dores! Your ‘love’ of Nashville masks the desperation you feel at being forced to spend yet another three miserable years in the South. What’s worse, is that you think that despite your accomplishments you could have ‘done better’ – as it is, you came out barely mediocre both in undergrad and law school, and can’t help but shake the feeling that you could have been able to do better, if only you were granted just a bit more intelligence. Seeing all your friends go on to get actual worthwhile degrees and greater job satisfaction just twists the knife in deeper. Quietly, you wonder if you should have just taken the full-ride and George Washington.

And that’s our class, or about 195 of us. I’ll hedge my bets – I’m sure at least 5 of us are somewhat well adjusted individuals… right?

2007-09-06T08:02:00.001-07:00

Orientation is over, classes have begin, and I'm stressed as hell.

I'm not exactly sure what the UCC is, and yet I'm expected to understand its legislative history

I don't know what the 14th amendment says (something about guns?), and yet I'm expected to interpret the due process clause

I'm expected to say 'tortfeasor' with a straight face (hint: this is actually impossible)

Schnell v. Nell is an ACTUAL case name. How in God's name am I to keep the plaintiff separate from the defendant?

I understand why lawyers are unhappy and alcoholics - they have to read boring cases written in terrible prose by shitty reasoners who make up the rules according to their personal policy whims (I kid, I kid - this only explains the alcoholism).